I’m currently doing group work. What a loaded activity. Working with other people, that constant fear of knowing they can’t possibly do things up to your standard. I am constantly on the fine line between wanting to chastise them for their ineptitude, screaming to the void about the pointlessness of group work and being accepting of other people’s flaws and appreciative of their efforts. The dilemmas. It surprises me how inept some people can be. I also know this is a very elitist thought and that by thinking so I am only insulting myself. That I don’t understand yet. [I am moving up into higher order thoughts, thoughts about my thoughts.] I don’t understand how I can be insulting myself by insulting others. I guess judgement does not get me anywhere. I could shut up and just do it, but then again, I hate having to pick up other people’s slack. I just need to calm down and stop worrying about other people’s flaws. Mainly the flaw in their writing, the awkward jerky spasms of their language. That’s assuming that I don’t have such jerks. Which can not possibly be true, read over this and tell me how awkward it is. Please I beg you.
I feel like this conflicting view about other people is persistently shadowing my life. Between seeing their flaws and seeing their strengths. I can choose either, and when I have chosen I usually stay on that path for the longest time. Usually until someone comes and shatters my opinions. Either better than I expected humanity to be or a lot worse, and the pendulum swings to the other side.
But I’ve got to get this group work done, it’s due tomorrow. I just don’t know whether I should fix their shit or just fuck it, let them burn